I've tried everything to lose weight my entire life but it would never last...the weight would come back with no change in what I was doing/eating...it made no sense and with each and every failure....I sank lower and lower. It sent me into so many depressions that suicide was a constant thought. I have endured a great deal of verbal abuse from people thinking that I eat too much or I have no will power...or I'm just too lazy...all of which are completely untrue. I eat very little....I exercise every day....I'm far from being lazy....but my weight keeps getting higher and higher.
Yesterday....my doctor (one of the best in her field) gave me the Diagnosis of PCOS. It's a hereditary syndrome that has been the cause of most, if not all, of my physical problems and there is no cure. Only 7% of people diagnosed with PCOS will have the complication of major weight gain. Along with a weight problem...PCOS is also the reason I could never have children and because PCOS is incurable...it can not be reversed. To have a child...I would have had to use a surrogate all along. Sadly....as for my weight....there is nothing I can do to lose it...my only hope is to work hard to slow the weight gain I will inevitably gain each year.
Straight from the Medical description of PCOS:
"Where PCOS is associated with overweight or obesity...many women find it
impossible to achieve any weight loss.
Low-carbohydrate diets and sustained regular exercise may help but have been found in studies to have
little effect."
I already eat low carb and it has done nothing to help me lose any weight. So what do I do now?
Society and even my own family have looked down upon me my entire life for being fat. I've learned to beat myself up for every calorie I've ever eaten and I could never understand why everything I tried just never worked or didn't work for long. People are so cruel and feel it's their duty to say very harsh and unkind things to me in public because they feel I deserve it but I don't. The sad part is that people like me who have PCOS are at a higher risk of becoming malnourished and we develop the same internal damage as a person with anorexia because we constantly limit our food intake in our constant desire to lose weight.
I have postponed living for many years simply because I felt I needed to wait until I lost weight...but now I understand that I can't change this. This is me...this is how I will stay.. My life may be restricted by my weight...but there is a great many things I can still do....and I plan on going out and start doing them. This Lucky Ladybug isn't waiting anymore!
I have removed all toxic people out of my life who never had a loving thing to say to me and I am surrounded by a great group of wonderful friends, a fantastic husband that loves me JUST the way I am...so it's time to live the life I've been waiting for far too long to enjoy. I no longer blame or hate myself and I have a real Peace in my heart and mind now knowing there is a reason and there is nothing I can do about it. I am finally happy and in love with living my life and it feels wonderful! =)
